Detention Letters
by Angelauthor14
Summary: Detention letters to James's parents. Ever wonder what sort of stuff he got up to? The Marauders through their Head of House's eyes! Disclaimer: All belongs to J. K. Rowling, not me. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: A new story! Please review because I want to know if I should continue or not.

Dorea and Charlus Potter ,

Your son has been in Hogwarts care for approximately two hours and he has already managed to obtain a detention. We have not yet arrived at the castle and I am having to correspond with you, I hope I will not have to do so as often as last year because it makes my fingers ache dreadfully. This particular misdeed involved a large piece of string and a handful of Slytherins; they have yet to regain consciousness.

I sincerely hope that I will not have to write anymore this week.

Minerva McGonagall.

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

I doubt you will have received my first letter yet and I am already writing another one. We have still not arrived at Hogwarts and I have been forced to give your son another detention. This time at least no one was seriously injured. James and Sirius thought it would be a good idea to let fireworks off in the Slytherin carriages. I hope very much that I won't have to write again today.

Minerva McGonagall.

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

I doubt you will have received any of my previous letters yet but I regret to inform you that your son has been awarded with yet another detention. This time it was for fighting, once again with Slytherins. At least we are nearly at Hogwarts so I shouldn't have to write to you again today.

Minerva McGonagall

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

I wonder if your son is trying to break some sort of record? He has received another detention. He managed to upset the food trolley all over the train, in normal circumstances I would consider it an accident but the fact that he high-fived Sirius afterwards makes me slightly suspicious. I am now taking a headache potion and I hope for your son's safety that I do not have to write to you again today.

Minerva McGonagall

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

We have now arrived at Hogwarts and the Slytherins from the first prank have regained consciousness and are safely in the hospital wing. Unfortunately that is not the reason I am writing to you. Your son has received a week's worth of detentions for pushing an unsuspecting Slytherin into the lake. In doing so he also managed to make the whole student body late for the feast while the boy was rescued. He has now gone to his Dormitory and so I am thankful to say that you shouldn't hear anymore from me for a while (or at least the night).

Minerva McGonagall

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

I am writing this letter at 2:05am on the account of your son once more gaining a detention. I am writing at such a ridiculous time because this is the time he has been caught. As you might have gathered he was out of bed after curfew and not only that but was in the kitchens. (Does that boy have a bottomless stomach?) I am giving up hoping to not have to write to you because it evidently doesn't work though at least technically it is the next day now.

Minerva McGonagall.

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

Perhaps your son likes detentions? Once again he has received one, this time for enchanting the pumpkin jug to repeatedly pour over Lucius Malfoy's head. Does he realise that Malfoy is a prefect and ought to be respected?

Minerva McGonagall.

--

Dorea and Charlus Potter,

Thank you for your sympathetic letter and I will try the asprinnia you recommended; suitable for migraines too you say? This letter is unfortunately not just a thank you letter. Your son has received detention for taking part in a midnight Quidditch match which was not only against school rules but was also highly dangerous due to the level of darkness. Not only was it after curfew but it also took place near the forbidden forest (Stupid boy!) and was conducted using brooms from the school cupboard which is strictly forbidden. Was he ever dropped when he was little or did he ever receive a sharp impact on his head that could have caused brain damage? It would explain a lot.

Minerva McGonagall.

--

Dori and Charlie Potter,

I do realise that we have corresponded enough to be friends and I am grateful to be given the privilege of using your nicknames mainly because it is less to write. What with writing to you and Sirius' parents my fingers are beginning to swell. I hope you are having a nice holiday from your son and making the most of it. He is a very nice, likeable boy but he is such hard work! I don't know how you do it! Anyway he has received detention for locking the caretaker, Mr Filch, in the stock cupboard. (Personally I was reluctant to let him out but my duty bound me as a teacher!)

Minerva McGonagall

--

Dori and Charlie,

I would love to go shopping with you during the Christmas break I can't wait until it comes round yet we are only on the second week of term! Mr Potter has received detention for a deliberate attack on Mrs Norris, Mr Filch's cat. I am getting very fond of him as I have spent so much time with him recently. He is quite a sweet boy really.

Minerva McGonagall

--

Dori and Charlie,

Mr Potter has received detention for bad language. I can't think where he gets it from. Perhaps Sirius' parents? Whenever they send that poor boy a howler it has plenty of bad language in. James would have a lot of trouble blocking it out though he tends to spend most of it comforting Sirius. He is quite sensitive really. Poor Sirius though, on one howler the reason they were sending it was simply because they were bored! I don't think some people ought to have children.

Minerva McGonagall.

--

Dori and Charlie,

Yes its me once again! I think it is a lovely idea to have Sirius round with you all holidays. He and James are so close. Unfortunately they have been up to no good again and this letter is to inform you that once again they have received detention. This time for magic in the corridors. Not very serious thankfully! I do hope that I will have no more bad reports over the weekend.

Minerva McGonagall


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Minerva,

Nearly Christmas now! You must be pleased, a break from our little Jamsie. Enclosed is a small gift to say thank you for the help and boundaries you have set for our son. Thank you for your recent letter I do apologise for the firework incident but I am sure you have taken care of James and made sure he doesn't do it again. I enclose some galleons to pay for the damage. I am sorry that I didn't reply to the letter concerning James' kidnapping that cat ( Mrs Norris wasn't it?) but Charlie got a promotion and so we were out celebrating and I got a bit of a hangover. By the time I had recovered enough to write the firework letter had arrived. I am rather looking forward to having Sirius stay with us but a little worried as well. Any advice?

Dori

P.s is the 20th of December alright for our shopping trip?

--

Dear Minerva,

I know I should be disapproving of my son's behaviour but turning Professor Slughorn pink is quite frankly the funniest thing I have heard all day! He always did have a good imagination, when he was three he pretended he had an invisible python. He used to tie a piece of string into a loop at one end and then hold the other. He was dreadfully convincing especially to Wizarding folk who were aware that it was actually possible with a simple charm. He sent old Mrs Brown screaming down the road when he pretended he had lost it. Anyway back to the point do offer Professor Slughorn my sincere apologies please. I am glad you like the ear muffs. I thought they were very attractive but also very useful whenever my son is around! I am glad you can make the 20th is 9:00 o clock alright?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am afraid Dori is ill and so I have to write this letter, I hope you can decipher my horrible handwriting though I believe poor Jamsie has inherited it and so you are probably used to it. Dori has just shouted through to say that I must tell you that she thinks it is only a 24 hour bug and that she should be fine for the 20th and is fine with 10:00. I hope it is only a 24 hour bug as well, she is driving me mad. Every few seconds she wants a drink or a book or another pillow, she is worse than James and I didn't think that was possible! On the subject of James I am sorry that he found the need to punch Snape. I am sure that a few detentions will do him a lot of good. Keep smiling, Christmas soon!

Charlie

--

Dear Minerva,

It is me again! I hope Charlie didn't drive you mad with his bad handwriting. I told him to use the computer but he couldn't work out how to switch it on and ended up kicking it which made smoke come out. I would have fixed it for him but he insisted I stayed in bed. I would like to think it was because he was concerned for me and the fact I was ill but it was more likely that he just didn't want to use the computer. Especially as he muttered "stupid muggle contraption" on his way to get me a drink. Which reminds me… James went out drinking in The Hogshead!? I quite agree with a months worth of detentions starting from after Christmas. He wasn't supposed to be in Hogsmede, he was out after curfew and he was drinking! I sympathise with your inability to host anymore detentions before Christmas, I bet they are exhausting! I can't wait for our little outing, I think I will buy James a new broom. Only two more weeks!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am glad Charlie wrote you a decent letter and that you could understand it. I know James hasn't exactly been well-behaved but I still think he deserves a broom. Like you said in an earlier letter he is a nice boy really and he only gets up to mild bits of mischief. He would never actually hurt anyone. Apart from Snape according to your most recent letter but I bet he was provoked!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I write to James regularly and I have his most recent reply in my hand and I think it is only fair to warn you that he has a big prank planned. I can't give too much away because I made him a promise but I will say that it will take place in the great hall. I expect I will get your letter concerning it later this week.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I did warn you! Making everyone fly sounds quite fun though and I do agree that it takes an excellent wizard to accomplish such a task and I am proud (but don't tell Dumbledore!). I bet it was quite a sight to see everyone floating to each of their lessons and your description of Professor Slughorn flailing his arms around trying to float in the right direction made me laugh until tears came down my cheeks! I do understand that you had to give him a detention though. Only one week until the Christmas break!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I haven't heard from you in a few days and I have got quite worried, is James okay? Charlie says I am being ridiculous and all it means is that James is behaving himself for once but it doesn't seem likely to me. I know you would have written if anything had happened to him but I just wanted to check.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Thanks for your reassurance, if Jamsie is okay then all it can mean is he is planning something big. So look out! I can't wait for the break! It is only three days away! I wonder if James is planning something for before he goes or something for when he is home?(I hope it isn't for Home!) I am glad he is doing so well in Transfiguration, he must have got that off Charlie because it was always my worst subject.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

It is awful of me but I am very glad he pulled the prank at Hogwarts rather than home though I do appreciate that it was very hard for you to sort out. Making all the Slytherins disappear must have used very advanced wand work! So they just felt like they were floating around into cyberspace? I am very impressed that you managed to bring them back especially as my son refused to tell you the incantation. I wonder if perhaps he just didn't know it? I wholeheartedly approve of your punishment. Christmas break starts tomorrow and this Saturday shopping!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I see you are getting quite booked up for next year what with all the detentions my son seems to be obtaining. Causing havoc in the library is the latest then? I suppose playing Quidditch with books amused him. I do agree with the detentions though as it is written very plainly in the rules that brooms cannot be taken inside.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

A new year, a new start, a new letter regarding my son and the trouble he seems to get into. He has always liked to start the year with a bang but exploding the potions lab is slightly OTT. I am glad you have managed to fix it and I support the months worth of detentions. I really don't know where he gets these crazy ideas from, or his need to create trouble. He must get it from his father. I was always perfectly well-behaved at school, well mostly. I did have a good time shopping and I hope you had a nice Christmas. Sirius was very well-behaved and grateful and it was lovely to have James home again.

Happy new year!

Dori


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: I am sorry that this chapter is undeniably shorter than all of the others. I would like to credit the wonderful (super super super) genious Morphox for coming up with a few more pranks for me because I got stuck and nearly gave up altogether so it is really thanks to her that you have got this chapter at all. So everyone say 'Thanks o wonderful Morphox!'

Dori and Charlie,

Happy new year to you too! Unfortunately thanks to your son my year does not look happy at all in fact it doesn't look anything but bleak. Every single evening I have to spend in your sons presence and though he does make me smile sometimes it is still incredibly boring watching him write lines. I was looking forward to March 24th because that was when they finally ended but your son has managed to obtain himself yet another weeks worth and so now I have to wait until the 31st. (Fighting _again_) It may not seem longer but trust me when you think that each one lasts about five hours. It adds an extra 35 hours. 35 hours of sheer boredom. Do you think I am too young to retire?

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

You retirement statistic figures did not cheer me up. Without giving away my age lets say I have to wait at least a decade before I am free. James has been involved in another jaunt to Hogsmede and so I have been forced to give him yet another detention. Any ideas of an alternative punishment that doesn't eat away at all my free time?

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

Locking him in the dungeons does sound appealing but sadly I think it is against the rules Charlie, and judging by Dori's words she would physically murder me. Banning him from Quidditch Dori would be torturing him and I think this is crueller than locking him in the dungeon. Charlie seems outraged at the suggestion and says that you just don't understand Quidditch. I would never do that anyway because he is my only chance of getting that Quidditch cup in my office this year and I must because I bet Slughorn 50 Galleons that we would win and I can't afford to lose (I can't afford the humiliation come to think of it). Anyway he has received detention for greeting me with the words 'what's new pussy cat?' which not only is incredibly disrespectful but is also incredibly rude. The fact that my animagus form is a cat is irrelevant.

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

I am glad you have sent him an angry letter (I agree that a howler was to over the top) but his reply doesn't exactly comfort me. The fact that it is the name of his favourite song is more patronizing than anything else. The fact that he spent all Transfiguration lesson singing it was even more patronising. So patronising that I gave him a detention. The fact that I now have to spend more time with him has not improved my mood. It was dampened further by the fact that I have realised that I am going to have to have him in a detention on my birthday.

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

I regret to inform you that your son has accidentally shoved fellow student Lily Evans into the lake. I believe he was trying to show off to her at the time. I think he might have a bit of a crush on her…

Thanks for the birthday present I won't open it until the 20th!

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

I am writing (for the one millionth time) about your son James. This time he has been pelting our caretaker Argus Filch with dung bombs. Not only was Filch understandably upset (and angry, am I glad that man is a squib!) but he was also so incredibly smelly that he was unable to perform his usual tasks and so I forced James to clean up after everyone instead. Hopefully it will teach him the true values of work and all the effort that Filch has to put in so that he wont make so much mess. (it's hard to write with all your fingers crossed) however I am not holding my breath. At least that punishment meant I didn't have to have him in detention.

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

I love the comfort quill, thank you! I am writing with it right now. It is indeed a lot less painful to write with and so writing so many detention letters is now a lot easier. James will be pleased, not. I have had a lovely birthday. James proved to be a sweet boy by giving me some chocolate frogs during his detention. He and the other Marauders also sang happy birthday to me over breakfast. It was slightly embarrassing being serenaded by a group of over-enthusiastic, tone deaf teenagers but their hearts are in the right place. The large birthday card proclaiming my _100__th_birthday was certainly unnecessary though! I hope they don't really think that that is my age! Unfortunately the said Marauders also found the need to steal the headmasters lemon drops which has shaken him considerably but I was in too good a mood to give them detention so I just made them pay for a few new bags.

Minerva

--

Dori and Charlie,

If your James had had his way I would now be your daughter in law. His idea of amusement, it seems, is to propose to me. I graciously turned him down and gave him a clip round the ear for his cheek along with a few detentions. Now I think about it I should have accepted I can imagine the look on his face now. Now _that_ would be funny! I hope you are all well.

Minerva

--


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: I know James didn't get with Lily until 7th year but in my fic she started to go out with him in 5th. I am going away for over a week so there won't be any more updates until I get back. I hope to write lots while I am away though!

Dear Minerva,

Swimming in the lake!? In _January_! Whatever will he think of next! Still if he gets a nice cold he will soon learn his lesson. I laughed when I heard you had pushed him off to do his detention with Filch, I quite understand what you mean when you say you couldn't spend one more hour with him this week, at least he has done all the detentions he got before Christmas! I hope he gives you peace for a while,

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

When you say inappropriate songs how inappropriate are we talking about? I think it was rather clever to sing it in the great hall so no one missed out, he is so considerate and kind. I hope the songs didn't offend you or any of the other teachers except perhaps Binns I wouldn't mind if he got insulted. I am sorry that it means you have to do more detentions with him but at least it's only three days!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am quite sure he had a good reason for climbing on the roof perhaps he was getting something down? As no one was hurt wasn't taking away 100 points a little harsh? But I do get your point that that way you don't have to dole out any detentions. I am glad that last week's carolling didn't offend anyone but I am also a little disappointed that Binns didn't get insulted not that I would let James know that because he would just start a vendetta against him if he knew I didn't like him. Soon it will be February hasn't it gone fast?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am sure he does understand that the forbidden forest gets its name because it is _forbidden_ if not I am sure your detentions will help him remember, perhaps it was a dare? Okay I back down taking away 100 hundred points wasn't harsh after everything you have had to put up with from him. I am sorry that you don't think the year is going fast, I am sure it will pick up speed soon. I do not agree that it is time to let bygones be bygones with Binns, when I said I would hold a grudge forever I meant _forever_. That man (or spirit anyway) mortally offended me. He thought I was a _boy_ for seven years. I would never have found out if after graduation he hadn't patted me on the head and said "see boy I knew you could do it!" and he didn't even have the grace and tact to pretend he had got the wrong person. No he had to say he had always thought I was a boy ! I mean Dorea is not a boy's name! Mind you I don't think he knew my name but I am still never going to forgive him, ever.

Dori (FEMALE!)

--

Dear Minerva,

I think my son has splendid taste, if I was a Slytherin I would love my common room to be pink. How can they put up with yucky green all the time! At least red is like pink so I was always happy to be in Gryffindor not that that was the only reason I liked being in Gryffindor mind! I think we should just stop the Binns conversation, I don't want to waste my time talking about that OBVIOUSLY BLIND idiot. I nearly cried when you said Sirius had got another howler, why can't they leave that poor boy alone? Is there anything you can do to stop them reaching him?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am sorry to hear that my son has turned Malfoy's hair red. Actually that's a lie I am not sorry at all. There has been four attacks on muggle borns this week and I bet Lucius' parents were behind every single one of them! Besides I expect James was just trying to cheer Sirius up. I understand that there is nothing you can do, I think I will ask Sirius if he wants to spend all of the summer break with us. He was so well behaved at Christmas, well apart from a few little mishaps.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

March! Now you can't _possibly_ say that the year is not flying by. It seems like only yesterday we were stuffing ourselves with turkey. But anyway on to the reason I am writing. James was in the restricted section of the library without permission? I expect he was doing homework. He is such a good boy. I expect he used his dads old invisibility cloak to get there, he is clever! I think your detention was quite unfair after all homework has to be done I expect he simply didn't have time to get a note.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I hear James has got himself another detention, being out after curfew tut tut. I am sure he had a very good reason even if he didn't want to share it. So the time he was in the restricted section he was getting a book on the worst Quidditch accidents ever recorded? Well I still say that it could have been homework! Dumbledore has had his beard cut?? Send me a picture please!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Happy Valentines day! He was climbing into that Lily Evans girl's window with some roses!? He is so romantic and sensitive. I wish Charlie was more like that, I got a Chinese take-away in front of the TV and a new vacuum cleaner. He better not be hinting anything! I hope you get lots of cards!

Dori

P.S OMG Dumbledore's hair cut or rather beard cut looks hilarious!

--

Dear Minerva,

James has been duelling? I do hope he wasn't hurt. I bet that Slytherin started it. My poor little Jamsie. I am happy to hear he won. He gets that from his dad, Charlie is very proud he keeps telling everyone about it though I tell him that it is not something we should encourage. Was Sirius his second?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I think it is most unfair to give my little Jamsie a detention for kissing a girl. I think it is adorable, isn't he growing up fast! I can't believe the girl was Lily Evans!! He has wanted her for so long, I told you us Potters always get what we want! I am glad to hear Sirius was his second, they make such a good team.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am sorry to hear that Jamsie has offended the fat lady, he used to be such a polite little boy. She wouldn't let anyone in for four hours!? That is quite amusing so you can't really punish him for laughing. I am sure James is being a perfectly good influence on Lily and I refuse to hear otherwise. Her recent habit of being out after curfew probably has nothing to do with him. When you said he hadn't grown up at all and needed to do it fast I had to laugh! Charlie is just the same and yet he is nearly fifty so I would give up hope if I was you.

Dori


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: When I posted chapter 4 I accidentally posted the wrong thing and so people may have looked at it and then come out of it but I have now replaced it with the real chapter 4 but of course you wont have got alerts and so you might be a chapter behind the story so I recommend that you go back and read the last chapter so that you don't get confused (also please review it!) and now here is chapter 5 (and please review that as well) I really hope you like it! And the bonus chapter where McGonagall accepts James' proposal will be at the end of the fic when I have done the rest of the year. Thanks and hope you enjoy the chapter!

Detention Letters

Chapter 5.

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I regret to inform you that Mr Potter once again faces detention, (though thankfully not with me) apparently he got bored during his free period and went into the trophy room where he attempted to change all of the names on the trophies to his own and Mr Blacks. (who was accompanying him) He received a detention for that but sadly that is not where the letter ends because as you might have noticed I said _attempted_. Mr Potter and Mr Black had only changed a few trophies when they were interrupted by Mrs Norris and in a bid to not get caught they grabbed hold of her and made their escape. They went outside but were apparently still worried about being caught because they threw the cat into Hogwarts Lake. Luckily she was rescued by Mr Filch and no damage was done other than a slight cold. (not that you could tell when you listen to Filch as he makes out she was half drowned) The trophies have now all been fixed and as the cat is okay it is not as bad as it could have been. Although it was an extremely dangerous stunt which could have ended in the death of an innocent cat (well, a little bit innocent) and so they received a months detention which they are going to serve with Filch (I actually sympathise). I hope you are both well and I (sincerely) hope that you won't hear much from me for the next few weeks.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I am afraid that once again James has landed himself in detention. For (once again) hexing Severus Snape. Other than the fact that he is a Slytherin I really don't know why James hates him so much. He is fairly nice when you get to know him. I think that perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he was friends with Lily Evans but why hasn't he stopped? Lily is no longer friends with him and she is going out with James now, surely that's good enough for him? But anyway he found the need to hex him and so has once again received detention with me.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James has received a detention from me for the prank he pulled yesterday afternoon. Even I have to admit it was fairly amusing not that I am going to let him know that. He put a sign on the door saying 'the library is closed for an indefinite period of time'. The Ravenclaws were certainly not very happy. James is going to spend six hours putting all of the library books in alphabetical order under the supervision of Madam Pinch who is more than displeased with him. I don't think he will pull any stunt involving the library again.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James has really overstepped the limit this time. He has introduced Peeves to the concept of paint balling and let me tell you now, it hurts! James and his friends seem to be the only ones not to have been hit. All the equipment have been taken off Peeves and James and his friends will be spending the weekend clearing all of the paint up and composing letters to each and every person who was hit _without_ magic.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James has been brewing Felix Felicis in one of the schools hidden passageways. It was lucky Filch found it because it can be toxic if used in large doses as the Marauders probably would. Mr Potter and his friends are completely refusing to comment on why they made the potion and I have to admit I don't have any theories myself. Any ideas? The boys have all received a weeks worth of detention with Professor Slughorn as they used ingredients from his stock.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James and his friends have been sending presents to Severus Snape all day, while this sounds very kind of him I can assure you it isn't. As each present is a bottle of Shampoo and each bottle of shampoo is a different scent and the second poor Severus opens it it flies up and dumps itself on his head (I have to admire their wand work) just because the poor boy suffers with greasy hair. I think it more than borders on the bullying line and so he and his friends have received detention for the next month. If you have any questions feel free to contact me via the floo network.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James and co have been given detention for starting a food fight in the great hall which caused a near riot. It also caused a tremendous mess and so he and his friends will be tidying it up with no help from the house elves and no magic and then they will be serving detention with me for two weeks.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I am starting to wish Lily never accepted James' millionth offer to go out with him despite them making a very sweet couple. They are now _both_ getting into trouble. I have hardly ever wrote to Lily's parents and yet I just had to. James has received detention for going to Hogsmede without permission on a non-Hogsmede day and influencing Lily Evans to do the same. Professor Slughorn caught them just as they were on their way back. Sometimes I feel like giving up on your son, I really do.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James has really outdone himself this time. And I have to say again that I do admire his wizarding skills though. He will do great things when he is older. Anyway this time he had snuck into the owlery after curfew and transfigured every single owl into a totally different colour. It caused quite a sensation when they all flew in this morning. I had to admit it was clever how every single one of the Slytherin's owls were pink. I have no idea how he knew which owls belonged to them. He has received a weeks worth of detention anyway. I will go easy on him though and just make him and his friends write lines as no harm was done.

Minerva

--


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: It has been too long! I'm sorry for not updating for so long. Life decided to keep my nose to the grind stone and between my other fics, school and beta-reading this fic got left my the way-side a little. I am back though and updates will be frequent from now on. This fic will have 10 chapters and this is chapter number 6. It is quite scary when I think there is only 4 chapters after this one. I will miss this fic when it is done. Anyway onto the chapter! Please review at the end! Oh! I almost forgot! If there is any prank you would like included then I would love to hear about it. Anything you want them to get a detention for can be included just let me know in a review or a pm. I would love to hear your ideas!

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 6. 

Dear Minerva,

My poor little Jamsie! He could have been hurt! Why on earth would he do something so dangerous! I hope you kept him in the hospital wing overnight just in case. But really, how could he do something like that? The roof is not a climbing frame! One little slip and… oh I shudder to think about it. What would I do without my little Jamsie driving me up the wall? What a good climbing though, I bet anyone else would have slipped. I will send him a letter of course telling him what a stupid dangerous stunt it was but I'm sure your detentions did the trick. Your letter was dated last week but I didn't receive it until this morning, I wonder what held it up? I expect my Jamsie has finished his detentions by now, poor little thing seems to get so many of them that he probably hardly sees Lily. I do think the teachers pick on him slightly, they are so harsh on my little boy. He's only young you know.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Oh I remember Fawkes! Such a big, beautiful bird. I was fond of him. James released him in the Great Hall? I bet that caused quite a stir, I wonder how he managed that. He is kept in Dumbledore's office, isn't he? My clever little boy being able to pull off something like that. Of course I will tell him how thoroughly naughty it was but I can't help feeling slightly proud. I hardly think it was my Jamie's fault that Sirius, Remus and Peter helped. He is not a bad influence, if anything it is the other way around! I do agree with your detention, after all it does break school rules. It is only harmless fun though, my James would never hurt a fly.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Oh Peeves, he was always such a nightmare! James and Sirius supplied him with glue to throw at people? I expect my little Jamsie didn't know he was going to use it for that. He is so innocent and naïve. If Peeves asked him for something I expect my little boy helped him without question and had no idea Peeves was going to use the glue in such an infantile way. (how old is he now anyway?). Oh and for your reference, I do NOT treat James like a small child and I do NOT spoil him. Hogwarts is just so strict.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Playing Quidditch inside? I expect my little James didn't know it was forbidden. I really think it should be allowed inside anyway, I would hate for my baby to catch a cold just to chase a ball around. I take your point that someone could have been hurt but they weren't were they? My James is such a careful child, he always has been. Apart from the time he knocked off my antique Genie Vase of which only three were made. It shattered into millions of pieces you know, even reparo couldn't fix it. Foolish child!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Stealing is such a strong word dear. I think borrowed is a much better term for this instance don't you? I mean Sirius and James were going to put the boat back. They just wanted to cross the lake first. How strong my Jamsie is to row that boat with just Sirius for help. I completely agree with your detentions. What is my baby had fallen in? They have such dangerous things in that lake. I really think you ought to get rid of it, drain all the water out and fill it in. Yes, that is exactly what should happen. I will write to Dumbledore at once and propose it, I will not have my Jamsie catching a cold. Oh! I think you must be the only person I haven't told, Charlie got a promotion! Isn't that exciting?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Teasing the giant squid? Do you really get a detention for the these days? Back when I was at school we used to do it all the time and I don't remember us ever getting into trouble. We used to toss things in for him to catch or we used to tempt him out of the water and there was that girl, what was her name? Eileen Prince? We used to throw her into the lake just to watch the squid toss her back out. What fun we had! She was always a frightfully bad sport though, she yelled and screamed and snitched on us. It was not as if she was ever at any risk, the squid always pushed her straight back out and never hurt her. I expect it was the same for James. This Crabbe boy was obviously just trying to ruin their fun.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

If my James has been eating in class then he is obviously not getting enough at meal times. He is a growing boy you know and needs a lot of nutrition. I suggest you raise the amount they have at all three meal times. I will not have my baby going hungry. I will have to send him an extra big hamper from home so that he has more as well. That is one of the main reasons I don't like him being so far away, all of that time without my cooking. I cant even check on his weight with him all the way in Hogwarts. I swear he loses a stone every time he goes away.

Dori

P.S That boy our James doesn't get on with (Severus Snape was it?) is Eileen Prince's son!?

--

Dear Minerva,

I really think that turning Snape's hair blue is not a very big crime. Poor little James was just experimenting. I do think the comment that "at least its not greasy anymore" was not appropriate. I suppose it does border on the bullying line slightly. Peter is such a bad influence on my Jamsie and Sirius and Remus. I will send him a howler at once. Though it is only Eileen Prince's son so maybe I won't…

Dori

--

Author's note: So who thought it would have been Charlie James got his bullying streak from? It was Dori! Quite a twist huh? Please read and review and let me know what you think and don't forget any prank suggestions are very welcome! So far they have all been from my own (rather warped head). If I choose your prank I will credit it to you in the authors note. Thanks!

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	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: I know, I'm sorry. It's been a while, I will try and get updates to you faster. Life just likes to be really quiet and then suddenly throw itself at me with full force. Oh and before I forget the last two letters contain ideas given to me by Lucky's Girl! Thanks Lucky! So anyway, they belong to her and are not mine. Anyway, this is chapter 7! I hope you enjoy it! Please R&R!!!!

Chapter 7. 

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I have written more to you than any other parents this year… and last year… and the year before. I have actually written to you more than I wrote to the Blacks and that is saying a lot. This time I am afraid even you, Dori, will not be able to come up with an excuse for James. He has received detention for graffiti-ing. I think he needs a howler to remind him that the words 'James 4 Lily' are not appropriate in the Transfiguration courtyard. No one is happier than me (except perhaps James) that they are together but I hardly think they need to use the walls to proclaim it. James will be serving detention for the next week washing and then repainting the wall. I have my suspicions that Miss Evans was also involved but James denies it vehemently so there is little I can do about it. I do hope Charlie's new job is going well.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

Another letter so soon, I think James is getting worse. I was rather hoping for a break, I have a lot of essays that I need to mark and get back to the students before the start of OWLs and NEWTs. However even I could not let this particular deed pass. This letter is about gambling, yes gambling. On Hogwarts premises! It seems that James and Sirius have been taking bets on the fate of this year's Defence teacher. Not only is this tasteless but it could also be classed as offensive. James and Sirius have received a week's worth of detentions to remind them of this and they also must pay back all of the money they took with added interest (which certain people are very happy about). Unfortunately it has not seemed to dampen their spirits at all (I suppose the money is nothing at all to James with the amount of money you insist on sending him despite my disapproval) as they were laughing about something very loudly outside my door a few hours ago. They had better not have done _anything_ to my office or they will be in detention for the rest of their lives!

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I think you should remind your son (as Charlie had to be reminded constantly) that drinking alcohol (whether it is his and Lily's one month anniversary or not) is strictly forbidden and that no alcohol is allowed on the premises in the first place! It is extremely dangerous as being intoxicated lowers reactions time and makes you do things that you normally wouldn't do (in James' case this list is short but Lily certainly would not normally throw books out of the window at passing Slytherins and yell 'strike one! Strike two! Etc) I sincerely hope I do not have to write to you concerning alcohol again but in James' case it is probable.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I have no idea where James gets his ideas from but they are nothing short of ridiculous. He actually put a first year on Fang's back and told him to 'giddy up'. This is completely unacceptable not to mention dangerous! I shudder to think what injuries the child would have got had he fallen off from that height and before you start making excuses for James think about how you would feel if it had been him someone put on an oversized, over-energetic dog, if you can call Fang a dog. James has received a week's worth of detentions and has to write the boy's parents a letter of apology. Sirius has received a detention as well for finding the whole episode hilarious and for encouraging James.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I could practically write letters to you in my sleep now, in fact I think half of the time I do. James really ought to be a little more responsible and a little less infantile now that he is in fifth year. His continued use of pranks gets, quite frankly, tiring. This time is no different, though I was rather impressed with his charms work. Shame he doesn't display a bit of Transfiguration within his pranks more often. He has charmed suits of armour to chase first years which is unacceptable especially as I was the teacher on duty and it took me three hours to chase each knight down and remove the spell, every time I turned around there was another one or another first year in tears.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I must say your James has a rather warped sense of humour which unfortunately many of the students share. His newest prank, while displaying excellent spell work, could be considered cruel as it embarrassed a lot of people and caused offence to others. He enchanted the boy's toilets to suck people up and then spit them out in the great hall with their trousers still down, this is not funny to the victims, the victim's parents, the teachers and everyone who suffers from the dramatic loss of house points and the subsequent detentions it evoked for James as well as a number of other students he pulled into the prank with him including of course, Black.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I had hoped that your howler would prove effective but apparently not as James has gone and done exactly the same to the _girl's_ toilet! Which is not funny either! I have had to write dozens of letters of apology to angry complaining parents all day though thankfully I am now getting a break as James is now replying to them for his detention, he will be in serious trouble if he is anything less than polite and apologetic. I had better go and check actually, I certainly don't want any more letters of complaint.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

James has once again been baiting poor Severus Snape. This morning at breakfast he put fireworks under his chair causing the poor boy a lot of fright and anxiety especially as all his classmates could do was roll around the floor laughing. He is currently in the hospital wing being treated for shock and James is once again in my office serving detention. The day those boys truce will certainly be a cause for celebration.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I know how you feel about Eileen Prince but her son is nothing like her and your son treats him abysmally. In fact he treats all of the Slytherins abysmally, today he made a plant grow out of Crabbe's head. Yes, it was amusing, yes, it demonstrated Herbology and Charms skills but it took hours to remove and Crabbe's parents are coming into school to complain personally which while has the benefit of meaning I do not have to write more also means I will have to get shouted out for hours on end which is not my preferred way of spending an evening!

Minerva

--


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: Just to clarify, I am completely against animal testing. No owls, frogs, cats or rats were harmed in the making of this chapter. I also want to add that I do not have the same opinions as Dori and I like the Hufflepuff house a lot, the kind people! The best people at Hogwarts! Other than James and Lily and Sirius and Remus and Ginny and Harry and Hermione and Ron and Luna and Neville of course!

Chapter 8

Dear Minerva,

I am sure James knows that the house elves are not to be used to test new spells and pranks the Marauders have made, I expect it was a mis-understanding. How clever of them to make their own spells though! I expect they get it off Charlie, I was never very good at that sort of thing. My Jamsie is really clever though, he will be minister one day, you mark my words! He certainly has the brain and the compassion. I think the month's worth of detentions was very harsh. My James didn't mean any harm, I expect he asked the house elves very nicely first.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I take it you are slightly frazzled? Your letter was rather short and snappy, it is not my fault that James has moved on to owls instead. What did you expect the boy to do? If he can't use house elves then he has to go to the next best thing! Using only the Slytherin's owls was frightfully clever, I told you he was a genius. Of course he makes sure all of the magic is reversible and so no animals are actually harmed, my Jamsie loves animals, its not like how muggles test things on animals. Spells can be reversed very easily, especially with James' knowledge. I am sorry that that one owl has remained purple however I think that it probably suits it much better. It gets boring seeing all black and grey and brown owls anyway, it will do some good having some colour in the owlery, besides it doesn't harm the owl, does it?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Frogs! What will he think of next? I think the fact that he charmed them unconscious first so that they didn't feel anything was sweet and then if it went wrong turning them back to normal before reviving them? That just shows what a caring little boy he is. The frogs wouldn't have even noticed, they don't feel anything or see anything or anything, when its over they just hope away with no problems. My Jamsie is only trying to make sure he doesn't poison anyone, would you rather he tested it on students?

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Cats! He is getting hold of everything he can, isn't he? I think its sweet that he is doing it to raise awareness of animal testing, he wrote to me and told me he was and he isn't harming any of those animals at all. Such a caring, sensitive child. He gets that off me.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Rats! Ugh, horrible things. I don't know why he is trying to protect them, he should just let people test on them. They don't help anybody and they run so fast and they have great bit teeth and those horrible wormy tails… ugh. They make me feel quite sick. I am astounded that you don't believe that James is doing it to raise awareness and think he is just testing his spells, my Jamsie would never lie to his mother!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I am sure James knows that Halloween is not a fancy dress event at Hogwarts and I will not remind him through a Howler. Poor thing would be deafened, you can't risk hurting a child's delicate ear drums. I think its very unfair that you won't let him dress up and as for dressing other people up, he was only trying to be helpful! As for not asking permission I expect he didn't think they would mind. I don't think he meant to only dress up the Slytherins and the fact that the costume were pink dresses and blonde wigs was probably a coincidence. I don't think it is strange that he was Dracula and Sirius was a rock star while the Slytherins were girls, it must just have been the luck of the draw.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

That is a shame, I expect James didn't know that the pink dressed and blonde wigs wouldn't come off. You tried for 24 hours? You really ought to sleep, I could tell from your letter that you were over-tired, try not to take it out on my little Jamsie. Giving him Detention for a whole term's worth of Saturdays was rather extreme. I'm sure you haven't tried _every_ enchantment you know, there must be one you have missed somewhere.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I'm sure James didn't realise that he was supposed to practice the spell on the wooden blocks and not the Slytherins, at least he was doing his homework! You always say that he doesn't! He is such a good boy, its not his fault that he misunderstood the instructions. He tries so hard and yet all of the teachers pick on him and send letters home for the most harmless and petty things. They all ought to give him a chance, especially now that he wants to spend time with Lily. Those detentions are really cutting into the time he could spend with her especially on top of his Quidditch practice. I am glad the pink dresses and blonde wig's charm has finally worn off, maybe now James can get some peace and quiet. I expect he purposely made it so that it would wear off, it's the sort of thoughtful thing that he would do.

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

I disagree that finding out the Slytherin password and giving it to the Ravenclaws the night before the big Quidditch match they are going to play against each other is not funny, it gave me and Charlie a laugh! Its just the sort of ingenious plan my James would come up with. Nobody was hurt so it was harmless, was it not? Therefore I don't see the need to award quite so many detentions. And giving Sirius some as well! How do you even know he played a part in it? Just because some stupid Hufflepuff was an eye-witness. What do Hufflepuffs know? They are Hufflepuffs for a reason you know. People can spout all of this kindness malarkey but I know the truth, not evil enough to be Slytherins, not brave enough to be Gryffindors and not clever enough to be Ravenclaws. They are just the leftovers. If James had been sorted there he would have been on the first train home. Not that I have anything against them mind, I'm sure they are lovely people. I just don't think you should set much store on what they say. Sirius probably dated this witness and dumped her and now she is after revenge, I don't see why she bought James into it though. Scheming cow!

Dori

--

Dear Minerva,

Well, how was I supposed to know the eye-witness was a boy!?!

Dori

--


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note: This is the last chapter of this style, all I have next after this is the bonus chapter of if-McGonagall-said-yes and then this fic is finished. (sobs) I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 9.

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I wonder if you could send a quick Howler to James to inform him that finding out the Slytherin password and giving it to the Ravenclaws the night before the big Quidditch match they are going to play against each other is not funny.

I had a most disturbed night, only matched by the following disturbed day in which many Slytherins walked around with noses double the size of their face, different coloured skin and other strange afflictions which meant they continually walked into things, made animal noises and tried to hex each other.

Putting everything right totally exhausted my magic store and the Quidditch match itself was so brutal my voice practically went from all the shouting I had to do. I think Slytherin were trying to get back at Ravenclaw for hexing them, or maybe they just like the sight of blood.

I totally blame your James for this and I sincerely hope he starts to grow up very soon.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

It's me again, I think I must be your most regular correspondent. Once again James has gotten into mischief though this time at least it is relatively mild. Perhaps you would remind him that charging people to use the toilets is not a good money-making scheme and is actually against school rules.

Thank you

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

Just as the last owl leaves I have to write another! No wonder my hair is greying so prematurely. Just add onto that howler, that I am _sure_ you are going to send James after reading my previous letter, that just because it doesn't specify charging for toilets on the school rules does not mean it is all right as it comes under rule 29 'money must not be made using undesirable methods' and also that arguing with a teacher gets you detention.

I hope you are well and your hands are not aching too much from replying to all these letters.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I am very perturbed to note that a week has gone by since my last flurry of letters and yet James has not received a single howler or anything apart from a big hamper full of sweets. Surely even you have not been able to find excuses for his recent behaviour? Anyway, unfortunately that is not all I am writing about. I really _would_ like you to send a howler this time as it is quite serious. James seems to need telling that setting off the intruder charms around the castle just to see everyone get evacuated is not amusing for students, teachers or parents. Even after his three months worth of detention he seems to feel that it was 'worth it' as I heard him telling Sirius.

I really don't know how to make him behave.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

A howler! At last! I thought you were going to ignore my requests for ever. It was nice to say James finally get properly told off though I didn't appreciate you telling him that you were only sending one because _I_ told you to. He has been giving me dirty looks all day. It didn't stop him getting in to trouble though, another Howler is needed. This one to remind him that creating hex-a-Slytherin day gets him detention. I thought I would never get to the end of the queue of Slytherins outside my office all needing some form of counter charm. And I only got a percentage of them, each teacher got a certain amount of them as there were too many for poor Slughorn to deal with alone.

Severus Snape seemed to be the worst afflicted.

I'm still not convinced that I have the full story yet though.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

Okay, now I have the full story. I would like you to inform James (very loudly in front of lots of people preferably his friends) that bribing people to take part in hex a Slytherin day gets you even more detentions. I knew all of those people had some sort of reason for taking part, they can't all hate the Slytherins _that_ much. Though thinking about my house's past history perhaps they can.

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

Stealing professor Slughorn's prize potion stirrer and then asking someone to 'hold it while you do up your shoe' and then ruining off so that when Professor Slughorn pants around the corner it is a little first year holding it and looking guilty is _not_ funny to Professor Slughorn, the unsuspecting first year or to me as I now have to give up my free time to monitor them in detention. And judging by recent behaviour they _need_ monitoring.

It's nearly the end of the year thank goodness! Then I can hand him over to your care and try and recover my sanity in the month's summer break. I hope this last week goes fast!

Minerva

--

Dear Dori and Charlie,

We are on the train so you will probably see your _pest_ of a son before you receive this letter but when you do receive it please inform James that he and Sirius need to pay the damage done to the train, tossing Slytherins out of the window does neither them or the window very much good.

I hope you have a nice summer and…

_Please_ try and install some sense into James over the summer. For my sake, if not the innocent public and students of Hogwarts.

Minerva


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note: This is the last chapter! Thank you so much for the support you have all given me, I treasure every review. Even if you are reading it years after I completed it then please do still review because I will still be on the site writing other fics and I love to hear opinions on even the fics I have finished as I revise them all the time and I am forever changing things.

The final chapter is 'If McGonagall has said yes…'

This was set in chapter 3 as that was when the original 'proposing letter' was. That was before James and Lily started going out, just to clear that up so people don't get confused. The last part of this chapter is set just after chapter 9, it makes reference to the final letter in chapter 9 where James pushes a Slytherin through the window. It will be clear when you read it anyway, thanks again and I do hope you enjoy the final chapter!

Chapter 10: Wedding Bells

James smirked as the crowd grew, Sirius's shouts of a public execution had certainly got Hogwarts' students flocking to the Transfiguration courtyard. None of them would believe it of course, but they knew something good would be happening to get Sirius Black using up his precious voice.

"What _is_ going on out here?" A voice demanded.

James turned to see Professor McGonagall stepping out into the Transfiguration courtyard, a frown on her face.

The crowd's chattering immediately stopped, McGonagall was not someone anyone wanted to cross.

But James was not deterred, the silence only meant that everyone would be able to hear him. "There you are, I was just waiting for you."

McGonagall blinked. "Waiting for _me_?"

"Yes, _my dear_." James said, fighting to keep a straight face.

McGonagall was sure James had something up his sleeve but his over-familiarity put her right out of her usual routine of lectures and then detentions.

Seeing that his Professor was working herself up into shouting mode, James decided to get on with it while he still could.

He knelt on the floor before taking out a little metal ring which had been fixed onto the end of his broomstick before last week's Quidditch match in which an over-enthusiastic Slytherin had pulled it off. "My dear little cat, will you marry me?" He asked, a grin on his face.

McGonagall spluttered and was just about to shout at him and take away a few dozen house points when a sudden cunning thought came into her brain. James was doing this to mock her and to make her look stupid, why not turn the tables on him? "Why, yes, James dear. I would love to marry you."

James grin slid off his face as he stared at her in bewilderment, this was not supposed to happen! She was meant to shout and take away house points and would look silly and everyone would have laughed. But now, now…they were laughing at him.

He searched his mind frantically for something to bring the audience back onto his side. He caught sight of Lily, laughing in the crowds. She looked so beautiful when she was laughing, he thought wistfully. Suddenly he got an idea. "Unfortunately as much as I would love to walk you down the aisle, my heart has been stolen by another."

The crowd tittered as James turned to Lily. "Lily flower holds my heart and it's key. Won't you marry me?"

Lily's face turned as red as a Quaffle, how dare James bring her into it and make people laugh at her.

"When hell freezes over!" She snapped.

James grinned to hide the pain he felt in his chest as he watched the love of his life storm back into the castle.

"She is such a good actress…" James murmured.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance, how could James _possibly_ think Lily was acting?

McGonagall's face softened as she saw the look on the boy's face. _You just stick with it, Potter_ she thought. _You'll win her in the end. _

--

Back in her office after seeing the little horrors off onto the train, she settled down to write the very last detention letter of the school year.

Dear Dori and Charlie,

I do hope you have a nice summer holiday with your '_darling'_ son. I've just seen them off in the train where he sent Slytherins through the windows as I am sure you know as you will probably receive that letter before this one. I'm afraid there is just this last letter I need to write.

Singing 'Here comes the bride' every time I enter a room is not appropriate….

Minerva


End file.
